How to Live a Good Life

I just got off a webchat with author Jonathon Fields, who wrote the book How to Live a Good Life.  The book discusses the 3 buckets of life - Vitality, Contribution, and Connection.  I can honestly say I didn't realize how low all 3 of my buckets had gotten.  Now that I know, I also realize what I need to do to make them full.

But it's not just about me, it's about making sure my daughter's buckets are filled too.  She's 7 and the world is constantly changing around her.  Sometimes the expat life makes it hard for her to feel a connection.  So it's something we're working on.  Part of that work is taking her back to the U.S. this Christmas.  She feels connected with her family, my job is to then help her connect with them again.
Expat life is hard for adults, being a child who is finding their way through the world is even tougher. Each day I wonder if I'm doing what's best for her, especially when her buckets are low.

This is where single parenting gets hard.  I know I carry around more guilt because it's just me and I have no one constant in my life to process the information and concerns with.  There is no one as dedicated to her well-being as much as I am.  And that's ok but it makes me more aware when she is hurting and struggling.

So here I sit, wondering what our next steps are.  How can I fill her buckets and mine?  How can I find the spark that makes both of us truly happy in our lives that we've built.  And I'm working on it.  Each day I work a little more and find out a little more about what we need.  But where does it go from here?  How do I actually give her a "good life"?

For now I'm working on me and trying to help her too.  It's not always easy and it's not always fun but I'm hoping to make her the person she needs to be to make the world a better place.  That's the only thing I can do.

NaNo Kicked My A&$

I know it's been awhile!  Life had been super exciting with the first podcast interview in October and then I jumped into NaNo Month.  For the month of November, I worked on a novel, something I've always wanted to do but hadn't had the chance.  The month of November is set aside as a month of novel writing.  Ideally, you hit 50,000 words in the month and can publish a novel.  Sounds simple right?

Have you ever tried to write 50,000 words in one month?  On the same topic?  I can now say I have and it's definitely not easy.  Halfway through I switched stories so now I have two half finished books, one I had previously worked on which I'm not editing and a website and blog that has been extremely neglected.  But it's ok, because that's life.

Writing has been keeping me busy, which is a big win in my world.  The other part of life, B keeps me busier than I want to admit.  Between her gymnastics and keeping her social life intact, we've been busy.  Yet, now that it's slowing down, it's nice.  We work hard to just hang out and work together, which is good as there's another big event coming up for us....I've signed up for another half marathon.

Half marathon training is a challenge, as a single mom it's a bit more of a challenge, at least for me.  There are only so many miles I can do on the treadmill without going stircrazy.  Plus I like to run in the morning and not all of her friends are into early morning playdates.  So we do what we can.

Since she's my main training partner, as in she gets to pick my crosstraining regime and decide some of that stuff, she is really involved in the training.  Friday was a perfect example, we had a variety of activities going on and I needed to get 6k in.  The only way to do it was outside, she jumped on her bike and we made loops around the apartment complex.  It worked, not sure how many times it'll work but for now, we do what we need to do.

First podcast

Life should be about living on the edge, right?  Well, I, at times, take that to the extreme.  For example, moving across the world with my 3 year old.  Most people would NOT have picked the Middle East but I did and we'll forever be better for it.  Taking this into consideration, I was asked to do an interview for a podcast...so I did.  Here's the link http://www.fourseasonefamily.com/4s1f-blog/2016/10/23/4s1f44-people-need-to-be-treated-as-people - I had a great talk with James Thomas the host and really enjoyed the experience!
Here's to learning to say Yes and enjoy the experience, no matter what your thoughts were first!

That's ok...

Let's be honest, the parenting thing is great and horrible all at the same time.  Each time I get the developmental stage figured out she moves to a new one.  How does that happen?!  I figured out the baby stage, she started to walk - figured out the toddler years, she went to preschool - figured out the preschool thing and she started school.  Now she's almost 7 and totally independent!  She has her own thoughts, her own interactions, this past summer she traveled halfway around the world with friends to spend 3 weeks with her grandparents...without me!

And now there are little to no more cuddles, there isn't time she needs me.  Instead she's hanging out with her friends, she is working on her iPad (Minecraft obsession currently) and working to complete chores around the house so she can buy the things she wants to buy.  Let's be honest though, where does that leave me?

That leaves me redefining myself.  It's meant the last few months I haven't been blogging.  Instead I've been working on freelance projects and writing a couple books that have been on my mind.  Instead I've been working on me, myself and what the future holds for us.

And it's ok.  It's ok that she wants to be her own person.  It's ok that she is able to do these things by herself.  It's ok that I want to find out my next stage of life.  It's ok that I'm growing and changing.  Do you know what makes it ok?  She's sitting here, working on her iPad as I write this.  As much as she doesn't need me, she still wants to be with me...and that's ok.

Thoughts from Outside...

It never ceases to amaze me that people who live in similar environments can still be so different.  One thing I’ve found as I’ve lived overseas and traveled around the world and even around the United States is that really, people are the same.  They want the same things.  They want a family who loves them.  People who remember good things about them and a place to call home.

That being said when you have discussions about viewpoints of people and the judgment styles of people, this is where we are very different.  For example, I have found that the Irish seem to be the least judgmental people I’ve encountered.  Being from a very Catholic country it would seem that it would not be the case.  It would seem that anyone who was different would be considered an outsider but that’s definitely not the case.  Instead they, as a whole and yes I’m being stereotypical from those I’ve encountered, believe that people should live their life and have equal rights.  It’s not a judgement thing, it’s a person thing.  It doesn’t matter if someone is gay or transgendered, they’re a person. 

This whole process of living in the Middle East while an election is going on in the United States.  One that has really only seen hatred and bigotry at this point makes me incredibly happy that I have chosen to raise my daughter outside of the United States.  At one point the U.S. tried to tell others we had freedom and people 

were equal but the more we look into history we find that it is not the case.  Men and women are not equal.  Black and white are not equal.  The government still holds the most cards and really people may think they are free but they don’t seem to be.  They are heavily influenced by the media and what those around them say.  The media has not helped the population, instead it has made it a population that cannot think for itself.  It would seem that the population of the United States takes everything on the TV and internet as truth and does no research on it.  They seem to have no idea how to have their own opinions. 

The media celebrates people who do things that are outlandish and show bad behavior while criticize those who are looking to help others.  Gain equal rights to all and just be good people.  Protecting a child while they are in the womb is a priority but making sure that same child lives in a home where there are people who love him or her, food, clothing, and a safe place to rest their heads is not the priority.  Instead they are criticized and ridiculed.  People are given shame instead of help.  When they ask for help they are often denied if they can’t “work the system” and the cycle continues. 

What would happen if we looked outside our box that is the U.S. and really looked at those places that value people?  What if we looked at countries who have no idea that ‘black’ may offend some people but would never think to use it in a derogatory way?  What if we choose to smile?  What if we choose to volunteer?  What if we choose to stop and enjoy the sunshine?  Would that be how to make America great again?

April is almost over and what have I done?

It's true, April is almost over.  I'm not even sure what I've accomplished at this point.  I mean, honestly.  I did get the website up and running.  I've added twitter, facebook and instagram but I have yet to get a paying job through this.  I know it's coming but it's a struggle.  Each and everyday it's a struggle.
I do envy those people who get child support at times, I mean it would be amazing to get some financial support.  But at the same time, I see the heartache it puts the kids through.  There was just a post in one of my groups the other day that they hadn't heard from the dad since January and now he wants to make visitation arrangements over the summer.  I don't understand.  You can't just show up when you want.  I know I would struggle if that ever happened to us.
I don't think I would just hand over B to someone she doesn't really know, who doesn't keep in contact consistently with her.  It seems irresponsible and I understand why the courts do it but it doesn't make sense that they put kids' lives in danger.  This is a huge issue.  Kids are supposed to be protected and loved and cared for.  It seems that we protect them in the womb but we really struggle with protecting them once they get out.
I know the thought is that adults know what's best for kids but do they really?  Do they really have any understanding of what is best for all kids?  Do the courts?  Kids are pretty smart and perceptive but I wonder if anyone actually gives them the benefit of the doubt in these things.  I don't know.

Spring Break Part 2 - Abu Dhabi Staycation

Spring Break as a staycation without having to stay on one's own place is pretty amazing.  It was a change to not fly anywhere and just fill up the Jeep and drive to the city.  For those who don't live in a larger city like Abu Dhabi, having the opportunity to enjoy a city is pretty remarkable and one we took full advantage of!

We ate and we ate and we ate!  But more importantly we played!  Abu Dhabi is full of beaches and water sports and we were able to take full advantage of them!  We spent a full day at Al Bateen with B's Auntie.  What a lovely beach!  It was quiet with plenty of parking and space to really just enjoy the weather!

Then we spent two days at Yas Waterworld!  Now we, as a single mom and child of 6, love this park.  The lifeguards are pretty amazing and we are both able to enjoy the rides.  There is nothing like having your daughter drag you around the waterpark to go on slides and tube rides and everything else they have to offer.  She was so excited!  She is just getting tall enough to be able to enjoy all of these rides.  Plus now when she's in the wave pool she is able to go deeper then ever before and has no desire to use the tube.  We were able to jump waves, she learned to body surf.  All makes for an amazing adventure!

The week really did fly by with all the activities.  But we also were able to make some new dishes and work towards just being active and enjoying our time with friends.  Each and every vacation should leave you with wanting more, not being overdone with it but by leaving a good taste in your mouth.  And this one most definitely did!

Spring Break...The Beginning...in Abu Dhabi!

Spring break...every student's dream...every teacher's midyear meltdown...every parent's nightmare.  It sounds like a great idea to travel and take your kids away for a week.  Then you realize every other person who has kids is thinking the same thing.  So what should you do?

Well we did the perfect combination...we did a staycation/citycation.  What is that you ask?  We had a friend in the city of Abu Dhabi who was leaving for the holiday so we borrowed her flat (let's be honest, she offered and for that I am eternally grateful).  The flat is centrally located, we have friends close by and there's the beach.  The best part of the whole thing is that we weren't the only ones who choose to stay close by so we're not alone.  We have friends to hang out with!

So far we've been to Gateway Park North on Yas Island (I highly recommend it as there is like no one there.)  What a great way to start, on the drive in we stopped at this park to ride bikes and hang out with B's Auntie who lives in Abu Dhabi.  I found this park via Abu Dhabi Striders and Real Housewives of Abu Dhabi (http://realhousewivesofad.com/).  And we had a fabulous time!  It was relaxing, well maintained and just a great place to unwind from the drive.

From there we headed to settle in and get ready for dinner....

Dinner on Friday night in Abu Dhabi is easily done in a variety of ways.  But when you have a total of 5 adults and 3 kids it's good to get a place that takes reservations and is able to provide food for hungry children.  We were fortunate enough to find El Sombrero (http://www.elsombreroabudhabi.com/).  So we made reservations and were set to see what All You Can Eat on a Friday night was like.

Friends were concerned that we wouldn't be happy after the recommendation and what we found was that...it was awesome!  The kids were well fed and happy, the adults were able to enjoy unlimited beverages.  Everything was handled well by the staff, the food was fantastic and so were the drinks!  It was definitely the best way to start Spring Break after a long and grueling 2nd trimester.

Dreams do come true!

The best part of single parenthood is that your world revolves around your child.  The worst part of single parenthood is that your world revolves around your child.  Although I've found there are time that this a very good thing and the other day was most definitely one of them!

I had bought B a new bike for Christmas in the hopes that she would want to join me in my runs.  She had told me last year "Mom, running is your thing.  It's not my thing and that's ok I have my own thing.  Maybe when I'm an adult it'll be my thing."  Ya know I was ok with that. She's pretty honest about her thoughts and I could totally get behind that thought process.  But she likes to ride a bike and this bike is big enough that we can do some mileage and we both benefit!

So on Friday morning I took her and her bike to the park and gave her the option of playing in the park or riding next to me while I ran (says the woman who likes to wear earbuds and listen to podcasts as she runs).  So we started on our way...about a quarter of a mile in, she pulled up next to me and talked to me while I ran.  Oh how I love this child!  She just talked the entire time and seemed to enjoy the ride.  She even plans on joining me next week!

Meditation is hard!

Ok so on the path of being more "awesome" this year (thank you Kid President) I have started the 30 day Meditation Challenge via DoYouYoga.com (I highly recommend this site for all of the instructors as they are fabulous!)  Anyway, so as I'm trying to figure out myself - as this is the year of me - I want to try meditation.

I'll be honest, I totally got the idea about meditation through Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I will also admit, I saw the movie first but then I had to read the book...and then I read the book after that, Committed which is definitely a book to read a you contemplate marriage and relationships, but I digress.  When Julia Roberts goes to India to Pray she learns some invaluable lessons about herself.  She learns two important lessons, the first is that she is never in control until she lets herself go.  She must let go before she is able to throughly be at peace with her choices, with her love, with herself.

The part of the book that discusses meditation is key and just as influential as places such s the Mayo Clinic which describes meditation as:  "Meditation can wipe away the day's stress, bringing with it inner peace."  Yet the way it is described and shown within the book and movie makes me want to dig deeper into meditation and taking control of my own thoughts and abilities. So here I am in the midst of the 30 day meditation challenge and its hard.  I know I will make the 30 days as I feel extremely committed and I firmly believe in the research that shows the increased benefits of meditation but I just wish it was easier.  I'm only involved with 10 minutes of meditation a day but I have problems focusing and keeping it together for that time period.  I know that at one point Elizabeth Gilbert is able to sustain her meditation and get to the point that you hear about from people who have practiced meditation all over the world.  I have faith that one day that group will also include me but for now it doesn't.  And that's ok as I still have my running.

Happy New Year! Welcoming in 2016....

The new year is a time for resolutions and re-inventing one's self.  People around the world are deciding if they want to make this the year of getting fitter, eat cleaner, start a business, etc.  Each year we start he year by having a desire to reinvent one self but we really never get to that point.  If we start by thinking we need to start from scratch then we get stuck.  On the other hand if we take what we already know about ourselves and say "Yes" we may have a different outcome.  

Shonda Rhimes wrote a book "Year of Yes".  

This book describes the changes that are made by just saying yes.  Yes to all parts of life that are good for you.  Say yes to things that scare you, say yes to things that make you better.  Stop telling yourself no.  The more we deny ourselves the more we find we crave all that we wanted.  So say yes.
I think @melcharbonneau said it best "Remember, it's a new year, not a new you.  You were already awesome...this year your'e just going to be more awesome."  This is all about saying yes and being awesome!  Instead of focusing on the negatives of yourself and who you are, look at the positives and go for it!  For example, I make people feel good about themselves, I listen well.  But what else can I say about myself?  I can list all the negatives - too much grey hair, too many muffin tops, arms are flabby...yes I can keep going but that's not the point.  So this year is my year of yes.  I've already started...I'm writing my blog and am hoping to make it more consistent.  I started the year by running 2 miles, part of the Run the Year 2016 challenge.  I have a race scheduled for next Friday - ok that totally came up due to a bride's wish to run before her champagne brunch but a race is a race.  I am choosing to look at portions and trying to figure out how to balance what I like to eat and what I should be eating.  But I'm saying yes to being healthy and helping my daughter be healthy.  Now to say yes to being ok with my ups and downs....