Coffee is ALWAYS the answer - it's not supposed to be the problem!

I'll admit it, I'm tired.  This last week was exhausting.  I ran a half marathon, we had a HUGE inspection at work that took up a ton of time and effort.  I'm just tired.  And there's nothing wrong with that, life happens.  We all get tired and cranky.  The problem is when you're a single parent and you're tired.  Who do you turn to?

In my house, we're at the stage where there are no longer naps - this is very sad as I miss naptime with B.  Instead there can be 'episodes' we watch and depending on how tired I am is deeply correlated with how long she gets to watch and how many she can watch.  But it is what it is.  As long as nothing comes between me and my coffee I'm much easier to deal with.

Then there was Saturday morning....I was working on my laptop in bed when some crazy idea formed in her head.  I still have no idea what possessed her but she decided to take the pillow out from behind me without letting me know.  While taking the pillow out she proceeded to hit my coffee mug which hit the floor and shattered - with coffee still in it.

Seriously, ya'll I thought I was going to lose my mind!  You do NOT come between me and coffee.  I have never seen the child move so fast to clean up a mess in my life!

I can say it was hard - I had to work through the anger.  Seriously, it was my coffee!  At least it wasn't a good mug.  I held it together....barely.  Once she cleaned up the mess, I sent her to get dressed and we headed outside.  I knew if we had stayed inside it would have NOT been good for either one of us.

But we survived.  And we have endured another week of hills and valleys.  Another week where nothing goes as planned and it leaves us both exhausted.  But we have survived and we will be better for it.  That's all we can ask for.  That's all we can do....wait no from now on we will also have our coffee in spill-proof and non-breakable containers - at least for the safety of the child.  Now that's all we can do.

Balance

We're 6 days into February and I'm struggling with balance.  The balance of work, freelance work, raising my daughter and training for the half marathon.  It's not easy and I never have claimed it would be but for some reason, it's really super hard right now.  I'm guessing it's because we're having a big inspection at work and it's making the staff a bit crazy.  But that doesn't seem to be it, at least not all of it.

This is probably the best description at this point.

It could be the limbo I'm feeling.  I really want to write full-time and make money doing it. But I also want to be a decent mom to my daughter, in the Middle East, when the current head of the US is making it hard for the Arab people.  It leaves me feeling lost and wondering what each day will bring.  That's definitely not something I need from the world around us.

So I wonder, I wonder if I'm doing what's right for my daughter.  I wonder if she's getting everything she needs from me.  I wonder if the US will still be standing.  I wonder if relations will take a change for the negative that may affect my job.  I just wonder over and over again.

And all this wondering leads me to re-visit my faith, my vision board and my daughter.  Because I have these 3 things I know we'll be ok.  I know that life is going to have hills and valleys and that, in the end, we'll be ok.

But being ok isn't good enough anymore.  I want to be good or even great.  I want to be ecstatically happy with all parts of my life.  So I'm working on it.  I'm working on all of it.  I even established my goals for Declare It Day 2017.
1.  I will run at least 900 miles (I hit 100 last week).
2.  I will make money through freelance work.

The plus is that I've been making some money here and there with freelance work.  But in order to make the life that's best for me and my daughter I have to do more.  I've sent in copies of the first book and now am doing the waiting game of publishers.  But I'm moving on.  I'm finding balance.  I'm working on trying out new recipes - 2 last week and the child liked both!  I'm still working on a sugar-free lifestyle.  Sometimes the balance is what you need to make everything good again and good will always turn into great!

NaNo Kicked My A&$

I know it's been awhile!  Life had been super exciting with the first podcast interview in October and then I jumped into NaNo Month.  For the month of November, I worked on a novel, something I've always wanted to do but hadn't had the chance.  The month of November is set aside as a month of novel writing.  Ideally, you hit 50,000 words in the month and can publish a novel.  Sounds simple right?

Have you ever tried to write 50,000 words in one month?  On the same topic?  I can now say I have and it's definitely not easy.  Halfway through I switched stories so now I have two half finished books, one I had previously worked on which I'm not editing and a website and blog that has been extremely neglected.  But it's ok, because that's life.

Writing has been keeping me busy, which is a big win in my world.  The other part of life, B keeps me busier than I want to admit.  Between her gymnastics and keeping her social life intact, we've been busy.  Yet, now that it's slowing down, it's nice.  We work hard to just hang out and work together, which is good as there's another big event coming up for us....I've signed up for another half marathon.

Half marathon training is a challenge, as a single mom it's a bit more of a challenge, at least for me.  There are only so many miles I can do on the treadmill without going stircrazy.  Plus I like to run in the morning and not all of her friends are into early morning playdates.  So we do what we can.

Since she's my main training partner, as in she gets to pick my crosstraining regime and decide some of that stuff, she is really involved in the training.  Friday was a perfect example, we had a variety of activities going on and I needed to get 6k in.  The only way to do it was outside, she jumped on her bike and we made loops around the apartment complex.  It worked, not sure how many times it'll work but for now, we do what we need to do.

That's ok...

Let's be honest, the parenting thing is great and horrible all at the same time.  Each time I get the developmental stage figured out she moves to a new one.  How does that happen?!  I figured out the baby stage, she started to walk - figured out the toddler years, she went to preschool - figured out the preschool thing and she started school.  Now she's almost 7 and totally independent!  She has her own thoughts, her own interactions, this past summer she traveled halfway around the world with friends to spend 3 weeks with her grandparents...without me!

And now there are little to no more cuddles, there isn't time she needs me.  Instead she's hanging out with her friends, she is working on her iPad (Minecraft obsession currently) and working to complete chores around the house so she can buy the things she wants to buy.  Let's be honest though, where does that leave me?

That leaves me redefining myself.  It's meant the last few months I haven't been blogging.  Instead I've been working on freelance projects and writing a couple books that have been on my mind.  Instead I've been working on me, myself and what the future holds for us.

And it's ok.  It's ok that she wants to be her own person.  It's ok that she is able to do these things by herself.  It's ok that I want to find out my next stage of life.  It's ok that I'm growing and changing.  Do you know what makes it ok?  She's sitting here, working on her iPad as I write this.  As much as she doesn't need me, she still wants to be with me...and that's ok.