How to Live a Good Life

I just got off a webchat with author Jonathon Fields, who wrote the book How to Live a Good Life.  The book discusses the 3 buckets of life - Vitality, Contribution, and Connection.  I can honestly say I didn't realize how low all 3 of my buckets had gotten.  Now that I know, I also realize what I need to do to make them full.

But it's not just about me, it's about making sure my daughter's buckets are filled too.  She's 7 and the world is constantly changing around her.  Sometimes the expat life makes it hard for her to feel a connection.  So it's something we're working on.  Part of that work is taking her back to the U.S. this Christmas.  She feels connected with her family, my job is to then help her connect with them again.
Expat life is hard for adults, being a child who is finding their way through the world is even tougher. Each day I wonder if I'm doing what's best for her, especially when her buckets are low.

This is where single parenting gets hard.  I know I carry around more guilt because it's just me and I have no one constant in my life to process the information and concerns with.  There is no one as dedicated to her well-being as much as I am.  And that's ok but it makes me more aware when she is hurting and struggling.

So here I sit, wondering what our next steps are.  How can I fill her buckets and mine?  How can I find the spark that makes both of us truly happy in our lives that we've built.  And I'm working on it.  Each day I work a little more and find out a little more about what we need.  But where does it go from here?  How do I actually give her a "good life"?

For now I'm working on me and trying to help her too.  It's not always easy and it's not always fun but I'm hoping to make her the person she needs to be to make the world a better place.  That's the only thing I can do.

That's ok...

Let's be honest, the parenting thing is great and horrible all at the same time.  Each time I get the developmental stage figured out she moves to a new one.  How does that happen?!  I figured out the baby stage, she started to walk - figured out the toddler years, she went to preschool - figured out the preschool thing and she started school.  Now she's almost 7 and totally independent!  She has her own thoughts, her own interactions, this past summer she traveled halfway around the world with friends to spend 3 weeks with her grandparents...without me!

And now there are little to no more cuddles, there isn't time she needs me.  Instead she's hanging out with her friends, she is working on her iPad (Minecraft obsession currently) and working to complete chores around the house so she can buy the things she wants to buy.  Let's be honest though, where does that leave me?

That leaves me redefining myself.  It's meant the last few months I haven't been blogging.  Instead I've been working on freelance projects and writing a couple books that have been on my mind.  Instead I've been working on me, myself and what the future holds for us.

And it's ok.  It's ok that she wants to be her own person.  It's ok that she is able to do these things by herself.  It's ok that I want to find out my next stage of life.  It's ok that I'm growing and changing.  Do you know what makes it ok?  She's sitting here, working on her iPad as I write this.  As much as she doesn't need me, she still wants to be with me...and that's ok.