Coffee is ALWAYS the answer - it's not supposed to be the problem!

I'll admit it, I'm tired.  This last week was exhausting.  I ran a half marathon, we had a HUGE inspection at work that took up a ton of time and effort.  I'm just tired.  And there's nothing wrong with that, life happens.  We all get tired and cranky.  The problem is when you're a single parent and you're tired.  Who do you turn to?

In my house, we're at the stage where there are no longer naps - this is very sad as I miss naptime with B.  Instead there can be 'episodes' we watch and depending on how tired I am is deeply correlated with how long she gets to watch and how many she can watch.  But it is what it is.  As long as nothing comes between me and my coffee I'm much easier to deal with.

Then there was Saturday morning....I was working on my laptop in bed when some crazy idea formed in her head.  I still have no idea what possessed her but she decided to take the pillow out from behind me without letting me know.  While taking the pillow out she proceeded to hit my coffee mug which hit the floor and shattered - with coffee still in it.

Seriously, ya'll I thought I was going to lose my mind!  You do NOT come between me and coffee.  I have never seen the child move so fast to clean up a mess in my life!

I can say it was hard - I had to work through the anger.  Seriously, it was my coffee!  At least it wasn't a good mug.  I held it together....barely.  Once she cleaned up the mess, I sent her to get dressed and we headed outside.  I knew if we had stayed inside it would have NOT been good for either one of us.

But we survived.  And we have endured another week of hills and valleys.  Another week where nothing goes as planned and it leaves us both exhausted.  But we have survived and we will be better for it.  That's all we can ask for.  That's all we can do....wait no from now on we will also have our coffee in spill-proof and non-breakable containers - at least for the safety of the child.  Now that's all we can do.

How to Live a Good Life

I just got off a webchat with author Jonathon Fields, who wrote the book How to Live a Good Life.  The book discusses the 3 buckets of life - Vitality, Contribution, and Connection.  I can honestly say I didn't realize how low all 3 of my buckets had gotten.  Now that I know, I also realize what I need to do to make them full.

But it's not just about me, it's about making sure my daughter's buckets are filled too.  She's 7 and the world is constantly changing around her.  Sometimes the expat life makes it hard for her to feel a connection.  So it's something we're working on.  Part of that work is taking her back to the U.S. this Christmas.  She feels connected with her family, my job is to then help her connect with them again.
Expat life is hard for adults, being a child who is finding their way through the world is even tougher. Each day I wonder if I'm doing what's best for her, especially when her buckets are low.

This is where single parenting gets hard.  I know I carry around more guilt because it's just me and I have no one constant in my life to process the information and concerns with.  There is no one as dedicated to her well-being as much as I am.  And that's ok but it makes me more aware when she is hurting and struggling.

So here I sit, wondering what our next steps are.  How can I fill her buckets and mine?  How can I find the spark that makes both of us truly happy in our lives that we've built.  And I'm working on it.  Each day I work a little more and find out a little more about what we need.  But where does it go from here?  How do I actually give her a "good life"?

For now I'm working on me and trying to help her too.  It's not always easy and it's not always fun but I'm hoping to make her the person she needs to be to make the world a better place.  That's the only thing I can do.

First podcast

Life should be about living on the edge, right?  Well, I, at times, take that to the extreme.  For example, moving across the world with my 3 year old.  Most people would NOT have picked the Middle East but I did and we'll forever be better for it.  Taking this into consideration, I was asked to do an interview for a podcast...so I did.  Here's the link http://www.fourseasonefamily.com/4s1f-blog/2016/10/23/4s1f44-people-need-to-be-treated-as-people - I had a great talk with James Thomas the host and really enjoyed the experience!
Here's to learning to say Yes and enjoy the experience, no matter what your thoughts were first!

That's ok...

Let's be honest, the parenting thing is great and horrible all at the same time.  Each time I get the developmental stage figured out she moves to a new one.  How does that happen?!  I figured out the baby stage, she started to walk - figured out the toddler years, she went to preschool - figured out the preschool thing and she started school.  Now she's almost 7 and totally independent!  She has her own thoughts, her own interactions, this past summer she traveled halfway around the world with friends to spend 3 weeks with her grandparents...without me!

And now there are little to no more cuddles, there isn't time she needs me.  Instead she's hanging out with her friends, she is working on her iPad (Minecraft obsession currently) and working to complete chores around the house so she can buy the things she wants to buy.  Let's be honest though, where does that leave me?

That leaves me redefining myself.  It's meant the last few months I haven't been blogging.  Instead I've been working on freelance projects and writing a couple books that have been on my mind.  Instead I've been working on me, myself and what the future holds for us.

And it's ok.  It's ok that she wants to be her own person.  It's ok that she is able to do these things by herself.  It's ok that I want to find out my next stage of life.  It's ok that I'm growing and changing.  Do you know what makes it ok?  She's sitting here, working on her iPad as I write this.  As much as she doesn't need me, she still wants to be with me...and that's ok.