So I've survived week 1 on Tinder. I didn't go on any actual dates, it's really intimidating. I did go to happy hour with friends which was nice. Being able to be an adult with no expectations is pretty awesome. I definitely need to work on this more often.
I will say that I now understand why friends say that Tinder is good for the ego. If you haven't worked on Tinder before then here are a few basic steps. You upload some pictures of yourself and then you get matched with people in the area. If you swipe right you 'like' if you swipe left you 'don't like'. Seems simple right? Except what if you swiped left on someone you may consider swiping right to on a different day?! A little stressful but it works out.
Overall besides being told I'm pretty and men doing their best to make conversations it's been not all that interesting. This is why I dislike dating, especially when you don't know one another. The small talk gets old, I want to have a full fledge conversation with someone who is real and direct. I want to know exactly what that person is thinking and desire. I know, I know, it comes WAY after the first few dates which is why I suck at dating. I really like to have it all figured out and wrapped up by the time I've met them for a 2nd date or so.
Someday it'll work out. Someday I will be able to give B a positive report. For now she keeps asking when I'm going on a "love" date. In her mind, I will meet someone, get married and have a baby. "Because that's what people do." So we're working on her perception of what people do and the expectations she has. It's a process, like all parenting it but hey, if she can learn from me, then she'll be better off later.
Monday, January 16, 2017
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Tinder and Dating as a Single Parent
The other day, when she has once again brought up the conversation of dating and the fact I need to go on some dates, she adds "Isn't there an app for that? You can check the app store." OH MY GOD. Seriously!?!? My 7-year-old is telling me to go to the app store to help find dates. First off, there are apps for that but second, SERIOUSLY!?!
So last night I was curious, I'll be honest, I've played on #Tinder before but this time I'm going to try to take it a bit more serious. I know I don't want to meet in person face to face but who knows. Maybe my next Mr. Right is on there and I wouldn't have known if my kid hadn't pushed the issue.
Monday, January 2, 2017
New Year - New Ideas - Old Foundation
I love the beginning of the year, just like I love the beginning of the week. You're given an opportunity to start again in each of these. Each week, you get a chance to live a better week than the week before. You get a chance to have new choices which can change how you live. The New Year isn't any different.
Every year people make resolutions to do things from being healthier aka lose weight to becoming more financially fit. Each year people make goals that change who they are. Very few people look at the foundation they have and move from there. Very few people look back on what they've learned and adjust from who they are to who they want to be.
So who you do want to be? When you look in the mirror, who do you want to see? On January 2nd, 2018 I want to see someone who is out of debt, 1-year sugar-free, 800 running miles completed and happy.
Those may sound like small goals but I know I will struggle with them each and every day. And I'm ok with that. I want the struggle, I know I have the foundation to be who I want to be. Now I need to build on that, not ignore who I am but become who I want to be. Each day, I get an opportunity to have the day I choose. And now, I'm taking full advantage of that. I will be able to take each day as a new opportunity to build upon myself. In building myself up, I build my daughter up. I show her what it's like to love yourself and have the life you want to live. And no matter what, I will be amazing.
Every year people make resolutions to do things from being healthier aka lose weight to becoming more financially fit. Each year people make goals that change who they are. Very few people look at the foundation they have and move from there. Very few people look back on what they've learned and adjust from who they are to who they want to be.
So who you do want to be? When you look in the mirror, who do you want to see? On January 2nd, 2018 I want to see someone who is out of debt, 1-year sugar-free, 800 running miles completed and happy.
Those may sound like small goals but I know I will struggle with them each and every day. And I'm ok with that. I want the struggle, I know I have the foundation to be who I want to be. Now I need to build on that, not ignore who I am but become who I want to be. Each day, I get an opportunity to have the day I choose. And now, I'm taking full advantage of that. I will be able to take each day as a new opportunity to build upon myself. In building myself up, I build my daughter up. I show her what it's like to love yourself and have the life you want to live. And no matter what, I will be amazing.
Monday, December 12, 2016
How to Live a Good Life
I just got off a webchat with author Jonathon Fields, who wrote the book How to Live a Good Life. The book discusses the 3 buckets of life - Vitality, Contribution, and Connection. I can honestly say I didn't realize how low all 3 of my buckets had gotten. Now that I know, I also realize what I need to do to make them full.
But it's not just about me, it's about making sure my daughter's buckets are filled too. She's 7 and the world is constantly changing around her. Sometimes the expat life makes it hard for her to feel a connection. So it's something we're working on. Part of that work is taking her back to the U.S. this Christmas. She feels connected with her family, my job is to then help her connect with them again.
Expat life is hard for adults, being a child who is finding their way through the world is even tougher. Each day I wonder if I'm doing what's best for her, especially when her buckets are low.
This is where single parenting gets hard. I know I carry around more guilt because it's just me and I have no one constant in my life to process the information and concerns with. There is no one as dedicated to her well-being as much as I am. And that's ok but it makes me more aware when she is hurting and struggling.
So here I sit, wondering what our next steps are. How can I fill her buckets and mine? How can I find the spark that makes both of us truly happy in our lives that we've built. And I'm working on it. Each day I work a little more and find out a little more about what we need. But where does it go from here? How do I actually give her a "good life"?
For now I'm working on me and trying to help her too. It's not always easy and it's not always fun but I'm hoping to make her the person she needs to be to make the world a better place. That's the only thing I can do.
But it's not just about me, it's about making sure my daughter's buckets are filled too. She's 7 and the world is constantly changing around her. Sometimes the expat life makes it hard for her to feel a connection. So it's something we're working on. Part of that work is taking her back to the U.S. this Christmas. She feels connected with her family, my job is to then help her connect with them again.
Expat life is hard for adults, being a child who is finding their way through the world is even tougher. Each day I wonder if I'm doing what's best for her, especially when her buckets are low.
This is where single parenting gets hard. I know I carry around more guilt because it's just me and I have no one constant in my life to process the information and concerns with. There is no one as dedicated to her well-being as much as I am. And that's ok but it makes me more aware when she is hurting and struggling.
So here I sit, wondering what our next steps are. How can I fill her buckets and mine? How can I find the spark that makes both of us truly happy in our lives that we've built. And I'm working on it. Each day I work a little more and find out a little more about what we need. But where does it go from here? How do I actually give her a "good life"?
For now I'm working on me and trying to help her too. It's not always easy and it's not always fun but I'm hoping to make her the person she needs to be to make the world a better place. That's the only thing I can do.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
NaNo Kicked My A&$
I know it's been awhile! Life had been super exciting with the first podcast interview in October and then I jumped into NaNo Month. For the month of November, I worked on a novel, something I've always wanted to do but hadn't had the chance. The month of November is set aside as a month of novel writing. Ideally, you hit 50,000 words in the month and can publish a novel. Sounds simple right?
Have you ever tried to write 50,000 words in one month? On the same topic? I can now say I have and it's definitely not easy. Halfway through I switched stories so now I have two half finished books, one I had previously worked on which I'm not editing and a website and blog that has been extremely neglected. But it's ok, because that's life.
Writing has been keeping me busy, which is a big win in my world. The other part of life, B keeps me busier than I want to admit. Between her gymnastics and keeping her social life intact, we've been busy. Yet, now that it's slowing down, it's nice. We work hard to just hang out and work together, which is good as there's another big event coming up for us....I've signed up for another half marathon.
Half marathon training is a challenge, as a single mom it's a bit more of a challenge, at least for me. There are only so many miles I can do on the treadmill without going stircrazy. Plus I like to run in the morning and not all of her friends are into early morning playdates. So we do what we can.
Since she's my main training partner, as in she gets to pick my crosstraining regime and decide some of that stuff, she is really involved in the training. Friday was a perfect example, we had a variety of activities going on and I needed to get 6k in. The only way to do it was outside, she jumped on her bike and we made loops around the apartment complex. It worked, not sure how many times it'll work but for now, we do what we need to do.
Have you ever tried to write 50,000 words in one month? On the same topic? I can now say I have and it's definitely not easy. Halfway through I switched stories so now I have two half finished books, one I had previously worked on which I'm not editing and a website and blog that has been extremely neglected. But it's ok, because that's life.
Writing has been keeping me busy, which is a big win in my world. The other part of life, B keeps me busier than I want to admit. Between her gymnastics and keeping her social life intact, we've been busy. Yet, now that it's slowing down, it's nice. We work hard to just hang out and work together, which is good as there's another big event coming up for us....I've signed up for another half marathon.
Half marathon training is a challenge, as a single mom it's a bit more of a challenge, at least for me. There are only so many miles I can do on the treadmill without going stircrazy. Plus I like to run in the morning and not all of her friends are into early morning playdates. So we do what we can.
Since she's my main training partner, as in she gets to pick my crosstraining regime and decide some of that stuff, she is really involved in the training. Friday was a perfect example, we had a variety of activities going on and I needed to get 6k in. The only way to do it was outside, she jumped on her bike and we made loops around the apartment complex. It worked, not sure how many times it'll work but for now, we do what we need to do.
Monday, October 24, 2016
First podcast
Life should be about living on the edge, right? Well, I, at times, take that to the extreme. For example, moving across the world with my 3 year old. Most people would NOT have picked the Middle East but I did and we'll forever be better for it. Taking this into consideration, I was asked to do an interview for a podcast...so I did. Here's the link http://www.fourseasonefamily.com/4s1f-blog/2016/10/23/4s1f44-people-need-to-be-treated-as-people - I had a great talk with James Thomas the host and really enjoyed the experience!
Here's to learning to say Yes and enjoy the experience, no matter what your thoughts were first!
Here's to learning to say Yes and enjoy the experience, no matter what your thoughts were first!
Monday, October 17, 2016
That's ok...
Let's be honest, the parenting thing is great and horrible all at the same time. Each time I get the developmental stage figured out she moves to a new one. How does that happen?! I figured out the baby stage, she started to walk - figured out the toddler years, she went to preschool - figured out the preschool thing and she started school. Now she's almost 7 and totally independent! She has her own thoughts, her own interactions, this past summer she traveled halfway around the world with friends to spend 3 weeks with her grandparents...without me!
And now there are little to no more cuddles, there isn't time she needs me. Instead she's hanging out with her friends, she is working on her iPad (Minecraft obsession currently) and working to complete chores around the house so she can buy the things she wants to buy. Let's be honest though, where does that leave me?
That leaves me redefining myself. It's meant the last few months I haven't been blogging. Instead I've been working on freelance projects and writing a couple books that have been on my mind. Instead I've been working on me, myself and what the future holds for us.
And it's ok. It's ok that she wants to be her own person. It's ok that she is able to do these things by herself. It's ok that I want to find out my next stage of life. It's ok that I'm growing and changing. Do you know what makes it ok? She's sitting here, working on her iPad as I write this. As much as she doesn't need me, she still wants to be with me...and that's ok.
And now there are little to no more cuddles, there isn't time she needs me. Instead she's hanging out with her friends, she is working on her iPad (Minecraft obsession currently) and working to complete chores around the house so she can buy the things she wants to buy. Let's be honest though, where does that leave me?
That leaves me redefining myself. It's meant the last few months I haven't been blogging. Instead I've been working on freelance projects and writing a couple books that have been on my mind. Instead I've been working on me, myself and what the future holds for us.
And it's ok. It's ok that she wants to be her own person. It's ok that she is able to do these things by herself. It's ok that I want to find out my next stage of life. It's ok that I'm growing and changing. Do you know what makes it ok? She's sitting here, working on her iPad as I write this. As much as she doesn't need me, she still wants to be with me...and that's ok.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)