Coffee is ALWAYS the answer - it's not supposed to be the problem!

I'll admit it, I'm tired.  This last week was exhausting.  I ran a half marathon, we had a HUGE inspection at work that took up a ton of time and effort.  I'm just tired.  And there's nothing wrong with that, life happens.  We all get tired and cranky.  The problem is when you're a single parent and you're tired.  Who do you turn to?

In my house, we're at the stage where there are no longer naps - this is very sad as I miss naptime with B.  Instead there can be 'episodes' we watch and depending on how tired I am is deeply correlated with how long she gets to watch and how many she can watch.  But it is what it is.  As long as nothing comes between me and my coffee I'm much easier to deal with.

Then there was Saturday morning....I was working on my laptop in bed when some crazy idea formed in her head.  I still have no idea what possessed her but she decided to take the pillow out from behind me without letting me know.  While taking the pillow out she proceeded to hit my coffee mug which hit the floor and shattered - with coffee still in it.

Seriously, ya'll I thought I was going to lose my mind!  You do NOT come between me and coffee.  I have never seen the child move so fast to clean up a mess in my life!

I can say it was hard - I had to work through the anger.  Seriously, it was my coffee!  At least it wasn't a good mug.  I held it together....barely.  Once she cleaned up the mess, I sent her to get dressed and we headed outside.  I knew if we had stayed inside it would have NOT been good for either one of us.

But we survived.  And we have endured another week of hills and valleys.  Another week where nothing goes as planned and it leaves us both exhausted.  But we have survived and we will be better for it.  That's all we can ask for.  That's all we can do....wait no from now on we will also have our coffee in spill-proof and non-breakable containers - at least for the safety of the child.  Now that's all we can do.

RAK Half Marathon in the Books!

Self-care is hard.  Self-care while being a single parent can be even harder.  The idea of training for a half marathon is daunting.  The idea of training for a half marathon while being a single parent is even more of a daunting task.  But, as I proved yesterday, it can be done.

Training takes support.  Training while raising a child on your own takes even more support.  So I ask my village for help.  I schedule training for when she has her gymnastics classes.  I use the treadmill when she's sick.  I do what I can to accomplish my goals.  When I accomplish my goals I show her that she's capable of those things as well.  That's why we need to do self-care.

Parenting is about showing our kids the type of people we want them to become.  We show our kids that caring for themselves is just as important as caring for those around you.  Just like setting goals and hard work, self-care should be a part of life.  A life that makes you and your child just as happy as anything else.

So when I got home from running my 4th half marathon - still surreal to say that - I was tired.  My body hurt.  So we sat on the couch.  She brought me a pillow, a blanket and snuggled me in.  When the pizza was delivered, I realized there wasn't any sauce for breadsticks, so she poured marinara in a bowl and brought it to me.  I love my child.  I love that she is so thoughtful and understanding about my goals.

To me, that's something I've done right.  She's amazing and I appreciate it and her.  She has an ability to be understanding and know what you need before you know what you need.  I needed this half marathon.  I needed to know that I could do it without hating myself and the world.  So now I'm better and she's better.  Goals come and go but love and understanding will stay, hopefully, until the end.

Balance

We're 6 days into February and I'm struggling with balance.  The balance of work, freelance work, raising my daughter and training for the half marathon.  It's not easy and I never have claimed it would be but for some reason, it's really super hard right now.  I'm guessing it's because we're having a big inspection at work and it's making the staff a bit crazy.  But that doesn't seem to be it, at least not all of it.

This is probably the best description at this point.

It could be the limbo I'm feeling.  I really want to write full-time and make money doing it. But I also want to be a decent mom to my daughter, in the Middle East, when the current head of the US is making it hard for the Arab people.  It leaves me feeling lost and wondering what each day will bring.  That's definitely not something I need from the world around us.

So I wonder, I wonder if I'm doing what's right for my daughter.  I wonder if she's getting everything she needs from me.  I wonder if the US will still be standing.  I wonder if relations will take a change for the negative that may affect my job.  I just wonder over and over again.

And all this wondering leads me to re-visit my faith, my vision board and my daughter.  Because I have these 3 things I know we'll be ok.  I know that life is going to have hills and valleys and that, in the end, we'll be ok.

But being ok isn't good enough anymore.  I want to be good or even great.  I want to be ecstatically happy with all parts of my life.  So I'm working on it.  I'm working on all of it.  I even established my goals for Declare It Day 2017.
1.  I will run at least 900 miles (I hit 100 last week).
2.  I will make money through freelance work.

The plus is that I've been making some money here and there with freelance work.  But in order to make the life that's best for me and my daughter I have to do more.  I've sent in copies of the first book and now am doing the waiting game of publishers.  But I'm moving on.  I'm finding balance.  I'm working on trying out new recipes - 2 last week and the child liked both!  I'm still working on a sugar-free lifestyle.  Sometimes the balance is what you need to make everything good again and good will always turn into great!