Coffee is ALWAYS the answer - it's not supposed to be the problem!

I'll admit it, I'm tired.  This last week was exhausting.  I ran a half marathon, we had a HUGE inspection at work that took up a ton of time and effort.  I'm just tired.  And there's nothing wrong with that, life happens.  We all get tired and cranky.  The problem is when you're a single parent and you're tired.  Who do you turn to?

In my house, we're at the stage where there are no longer naps - this is very sad as I miss naptime with B.  Instead there can be 'episodes' we watch and depending on how tired I am is deeply correlated with how long she gets to watch and how many she can watch.  But it is what it is.  As long as nothing comes between me and my coffee I'm much easier to deal with.

Then there was Saturday morning....I was working on my laptop in bed when some crazy idea formed in her head.  I still have no idea what possessed her but she decided to take the pillow out from behind me without letting me know.  While taking the pillow out she proceeded to hit my coffee mug which hit the floor and shattered - with coffee still in it.

Seriously, ya'll I thought I was going to lose my mind!  You do NOT come between me and coffee.  I have never seen the child move so fast to clean up a mess in my life!

I can say it was hard - I had to work through the anger.  Seriously, it was my coffee!  At least it wasn't a good mug.  I held it together....barely.  Once she cleaned up the mess, I sent her to get dressed and we headed outside.  I knew if we had stayed inside it would have NOT been good for either one of us.

But we survived.  And we have endured another week of hills and valleys.  Another week where nothing goes as planned and it leaves us both exhausted.  But we have survived and we will be better for it.  That's all we can ask for.  That's all we can do....wait no from now on we will also have our coffee in spill-proof and non-breakable containers - at least for the safety of the child.  Now that's all we can do.

RAK Half Marathon in the Books!

Self-care is hard.  Self-care while being a single parent can be even harder.  The idea of training for a half marathon is daunting.  The idea of training for a half marathon while being a single parent is even more of a daunting task.  But, as I proved yesterday, it can be done.

Training takes support.  Training while raising a child on your own takes even more support.  So I ask my village for help.  I schedule training for when she has her gymnastics classes.  I use the treadmill when she's sick.  I do what I can to accomplish my goals.  When I accomplish my goals I show her that she's capable of those things as well.  That's why we need to do self-care.

Parenting is about showing our kids the type of people we want them to become.  We show our kids that caring for themselves is just as important as caring for those around you.  Just like setting goals and hard work, self-care should be a part of life.  A life that makes you and your child just as happy as anything else.

So when I got home from running my 4th half marathon - still surreal to say that - I was tired.  My body hurt.  So we sat on the couch.  She brought me a pillow, a blanket and snuggled me in.  When the pizza was delivered, I realized there wasn't any sauce for breadsticks, so she poured marinara in a bowl and brought it to me.  I love my child.  I love that she is so thoughtful and understanding about my goals.

To me, that's something I've done right.  She's amazing and I appreciate it and her.  She has an ability to be understanding and know what you need before you know what you need.  I needed this half marathon.  I needed to know that I could do it without hating myself and the world.  So now I'm better and she's better.  Goals come and go but love and understanding will stay, hopefully, until the end.

Balance

We're 6 days into February and I'm struggling with balance.  The balance of work, freelance work, raising my daughter and training for the half marathon.  It's not easy and I never have claimed it would be but for some reason, it's really super hard right now.  I'm guessing it's because we're having a big inspection at work and it's making the staff a bit crazy.  But that doesn't seem to be it, at least not all of it.

This is probably the best description at this point.

It could be the limbo I'm feeling.  I really want to write full-time and make money doing it. But I also want to be a decent mom to my daughter, in the Middle East, when the current head of the US is making it hard for the Arab people.  It leaves me feeling lost and wondering what each day will bring.  That's definitely not something I need from the world around us.

So I wonder, I wonder if I'm doing what's right for my daughter.  I wonder if she's getting everything she needs from me.  I wonder if the US will still be standing.  I wonder if relations will take a change for the negative that may affect my job.  I just wonder over and over again.

And all this wondering leads me to re-visit my faith, my vision board and my daughter.  Because I have these 3 things I know we'll be ok.  I know that life is going to have hills and valleys and that, in the end, we'll be ok.

But being ok isn't good enough anymore.  I want to be good or even great.  I want to be ecstatically happy with all parts of my life.  So I'm working on it.  I'm working on all of it.  I even established my goals for Declare It Day 2017.
1.  I will run at least 900 miles (I hit 100 last week).
2.  I will make money through freelance work.

The plus is that I've been making some money here and there with freelance work.  But in order to make the life that's best for me and my daughter I have to do more.  I've sent in copies of the first book and now am doing the waiting game of publishers.  But I'm moving on.  I'm finding balance.  I'm working on trying out new recipes - 2 last week and the child liked both!  I'm still working on a sugar-free lifestyle.  Sometimes the balance is what you need to make everything good again and good will always turn into great!

Single parenting when your kid is sick....

I'm lucky.  I have a village that helps me take care of her.  I have friends that take her and care for her, and if we're honest, better than I would if it was me who was home.  I just don't do well when she's sick much less sick for this long.  There are some people on this earth who are made to care for sick kids and people in general, come to find out I'm not one of those people.  Instead, I am one who has an agenda that I like to accomplish everyday.  When I can't accomplish those tasks I get irritated and it has nothing to do with her, it's my personality.  But more important right now is that she's sick and I'm stuck.

I'll admit it, the last week has been rough.  My little one has been sick - running a fever and then starting to cough.  I thought she was over it so I let her play all weekend and wound up coming back with a fever yesterday. This is when single parenting sucks.  I'll be honest, it really and truly does.  I can't take leave or I won't get paid and I'm not in a position where I can afford to not get paid.  I have no other income at this point and I have no partner to stay with her.  So what do I do?

This is those times that a partner can make all the difference in the world.  These are the times where being a single parent is just hard, especially when you live outside the home.  There's nothing you can do but wait on your child to feel better.  There's nothing you can do but wait and pray you're doing what's best for your kid.  That's the only choice you have.  But you always wonder if it's the best choice and if there was anything else you could do.   You will always second guess yourself and wonder - what if?  

Blogging Concerns, Questions, Thoughts....

As we've now covered the halfway point of January, I'm looking my goals and trying to focus.  Every year I have goals I want to achieve and every year I get lost.  So this year I have a plan!  Of course, it's January so we'll see how long this plan works but it is all I can do.  The plan is laid out the following way:

1.  Set goals for this year.
2.  Set time frames for goals.
3.  Work towards goals.

Simple right?  Well, it sounds so much easier than it is.  But I'm working through it.  The first step was sending out query letters.  Right now I'm waiting on some editing notes and then I'll be able to send the query letters out with the books. I want to send the non-fiction to an agent while trying to get the other one published quickly.  Why you ask?  I want to start an income coming in.

Making an extra income writing is my goal.  I want to work from home and I want to have the flexibility to be with B at any given time.  So getting my books out there is a key step.  The next step is making an income off the blog.  I know it can happen but I don't know how.  So the research will start this week.  This week we will be able to gain some information so that I can work towards my dream of staying home.  The hardest part of this plan is to find information that makes sense to me.  (In other words, if you know anything please let me know!)

The next part of the plan is getting a bigger hold on my budget.  So B and I made budget binders yesterday.  I was able to help us both organize our finances into binders.  Today she gets paid for doing her chores and will start to keep track of her finances.  Since she can be the banker in the game of Life, she can be her own banker as well.  I think this will help both of us as we can work together towards the common goal.  Each day she learns more about life and goal setting the better off she'll be, at least that's my thought.

Week 1 with Tinder

So I've survived week 1 on Tinder.  I didn't go on any actual dates, it's really intimidating.  I did go to happy hour with friends which was nice.  Being able to be an adult with no expectations is pretty awesome.  I definitely need to work on this more often.

I will say that I now understand why friends say that Tinder is good for the ego.  If you haven't worked on Tinder before then here are a few basic steps.  You upload some pictures of yourself and then you get matched with people in the area.  If you swipe right you 'like' if you swipe left you 'don't like'.  Seems simple right?  Except what if you swiped left on someone you may consider swiping right to on a different day?!  A little stressful but it works out.

Overall besides being told I'm pretty and men doing their best to make conversations it's been not all that interesting. This is why I dislike dating, especially when you don't know one another.  The small talk gets old, I want to have a full fledge conversation with someone who is real and direct.  I want to know exactly what that person is thinking and desire.  I know, I know, it comes WAY after the first few dates which is why I suck at dating.  I really like to have it all figured out and wrapped up by the time I've met them for a 2nd date or so.

Someday it'll work out.  Someday I will be able to give B a positive report.  For now she keeps asking when I'm going on a "love" date.  In her mind, I will meet someone, get married and have a baby.  "Because that's what people do."  So we're working on her perception of what people do and the expectations she has.  It's a process, like all parenting it but hey, if she can learn from me, then she'll be better off later.

Tinder and Dating as a Single Parent

So the child has decided I need to start dating.  Seriously, she has been on me for months and I've avoided it for one reason or another.  I'm just not the type to want to date.  I want Mr. Right to materialize in front of me as part of everything I need him to be.  That's all.  I know what I'm looking for, can't he just materialize?  So far, that hasn't worked.

The other day, when she has once again brought up the conversation of dating and the fact I need to go on some dates, she adds "Isn't there an app for that?  You can check the app store."  OH MY GOD.  Seriously!?!?  My 7-year-old is telling me to go to the app store to help find dates.  First off, there are apps for that but second, SERIOUSLY!?!

So last night I was curious, I'll be honest, I've played on #Tinder before but this time I'm going to try to take it a bit more serious.  I know I don't want to meet in person face to face but who knows.  Maybe my next Mr. Right is on there and I wouldn't have known if my kid hadn't pushed the issue.